Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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