Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
