he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
