as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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