we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
