I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
