How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
