Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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