Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
