I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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