They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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