I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the day after is always just damage control
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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