I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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