Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize