he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
