just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
