I accidentally burped into my bong.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
