Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
