were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
