If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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