ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i will never coherently bang her
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
