i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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