i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
