smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
