bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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