Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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