You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
