Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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