How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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