Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
