her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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