I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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