You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize