when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want you more than these girls want KFC
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
