i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
