she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
