You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
