I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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