I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
