I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
