i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
