Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
