ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
