she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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