none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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