she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
