I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
