Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You were trust falling into bushes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
