Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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