nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
