im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
