dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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