made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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