Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
