He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
