Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
