please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
