I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
