turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
