So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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