Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
