at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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