I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
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I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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