Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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