Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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