You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
