Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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