cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
