I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think my moral compass just broke
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
