I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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