I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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