bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
