dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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