Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
