That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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