Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
