i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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