the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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