ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
