if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
